The Kinky Coffee Break

15. The Wheel of Consent® and kink with Dr Betty Martin

This month, we are joined by the pioneer that is Dr Betty Martin as we explore The Wheel of Consent. Betty shares how The Wheel originated in kink, how it’s both simple and very much not simple in practice, how it can give us insights into what’s happening in relationships, and the impact other forms of power have on how we negotiate. AND we both share how The Wheel can be a helpful way in to exploring D/s and power play. If your understanding of consent is as permission seeking and granting, then hopefully this episode will open your eyes to some of the depth and nuance that is often overlooked in the conversation. Dr. Betty Martin has had her hands on people professionally for over 40 years (some of it legal and some of it questionable) - 30 years of Chiropractic and other modalities, then later, 15 years of Somatic Sex Education and Surrogate Partner Therapy. Also Contact Improv and other kinds of play. She is the developer of the Wheel of Consent, a cutting edge model of receiving and giving, based on touch but amenable to non-touch practices as well. She is the author of The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent, and developed a 5-day training in the Wheel of Consent for practitioners, which took her around the world, and then trained others to teach it so she could retire. She currently mentors helping professionals, from psychotherapists to sex workers, and all stripes of hands-on practitioners. You can find Betty’s work (including plenty of FREE materials and her book) here: https://www.wheelofconsent.org/. For information on trainings related to the Wheel of Consent, visit the School of Consent: https://www.schoolofconsent.org/ You can check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.

14. Pup play with Dr Liam Wignall

Join me and my special guest, Dr Liam Wignall, as we take a deep dive into the kinky subculture that is Pup Play. 
 
You’ll learn what it enTAILS(!), who typically engages in this type of play, and some of the many benefits people say they get from immersing themselves in this world. We also touch upon academic research on kink more broadly, neurodivergence and kink, and lots more. This conversation definitely got my geeky brain going!
 
Dr Liam Wignall is a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Brighton. His research focuses on sexual identity, behaviours, and communities, with a primary focus on kinky sexual practices and subcultures - he has written about this in his book, Kinky in the Digital Age. He’s published over 30 academic articles on a range of topics related to sex and sexuality.
 
Liam’s book Kinky in the Digital Age can be found here. Use discount code ASPROMP8 to get 30% off (and, fellow geeks, this MAY work on other books on the Oxford University Press site, although we can’t guarantee this!)  
 
You can find Liam’s research profile as well as links to his academic papers here: https://research.brighton.ac.uk/en/persons/liam-wignall/ 
 
Liam recommended that listeners/watchers read Gayle S. Rubin’s The Catacombs as a book that inspired him. You can find information on that here: https://read.dukeupress.edu/books/book/1560/chapter-abstract/173959/The-CatacombsA-Temple-of-the-Butthole?redirectedFrom=fulltext, and he also mentioned a resource for people interested in finding out more about Pup Play: https://www.pupplay.info/
 
You can check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.
And, finally, why not take the Kink Orientation Scale quiz for yourself: https://thekinkscale.com/ (I got 74 out of 90, in case you’re interested!)

13. Queering Sex with Daniel Morrison

We are back with Series 2 of The Kinky Coffee Break and this month we are joined by special guest Daniel Morrison for a suuuuuper interesting conversation about queering sex! 
 
We covered some realy juicy topics in our chat from energy genitals to multiplicity, and how we can access polarity beyond the binary genders. Whether you identify as queer or not, there’s a lot of food for thought in this episode. 
 
Daniel is a psychotherapist, writer, and parent. He offers EMDR trauma therapy as well as talking therapy and specialises in working with gender, sexuality and relationship diversity. He's passionate about creating spaces to facilitate connection for the Queer community, exploring movement, intimacy, consent and boundaries, and has run workshops around sacred sexuality, conscious kink and pagan sex magic. Daniel is also a Clinical Associate of Pink Therapy, and his writing has appeared in Non Binary Lives, Queering Gestalt Therapy and the forthcoming Pink Therapy book. His own poetry book, Effing the Ineffable, is available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Effing-Ineffable-Daniel-Morrison/dp/B0F4XH914K
You can find Daniel’s work at Q Changes: https://www.qchanges.co.uk/. We also referenced two other resources during our conversation, both of which I highly recommend checking out. You

12. Fluidity with Mark Cusack

This month, I’m joined on The Kinky Coffee Break by the fabulous Mark Cusack, author of the recently published book: Fluid: A Guide for People with Flexible Sexuality. Fluidity feels like such a core part of my own identity and personal journey but it’s a topic that’s rarely spoken about or visible, even within LGBTQ+ communities, so I was delighted to bring Mark on to the podcast to shed some light on this! Tune in to hear how fluid sexuality is way more prevalent than you might think (and not just in humans!), how it’s not just another trend or phase, and why it’s a controversial topic within the LGBTQ+ community. As well as being an author, Mark (he/they) is also a lecturer, content creator and coach who specialises in supporting people with complex, fluid or undefined orientation and gender. Mark runs the support site @notdefining where he posts educational content about the diversity of the sexuality and gender spectrums, as well as experiences from his own life as a bi+/asexual fluid person. Mark lives in Liverpool where he delivers talks, teaches trainee psychotherapists and writes articles on LGBTQ+ issues. He was formerly LGBTQ+ representative for the UK Civil Service. His home town is Kilmarnock in Scotland and he is a proud member of the autistic community. If you’d like to learn more about this topic, check out Mark’s website: www.notdefining.com, find him across social media @notdefining including the wonderful YouTube channel, and order a copy of the book via the publishers: https://uk.jkp.com/products/fluid. You’ll find my work including upcoming events, courses, and workshops at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels. And if you have a question that you’d like us to address in a follow-up, please drop me an email at hello@pleasurerebels.com. We’d love to hear from you!

11. Kink and Parenting with Roma Norriss

This month, I’m joined on The Kinky Coffee Break by “the Nigella of parenting’, Roma Norriss!
 
I learnt why it’s essential that parents DON’T shut down their sexuality, in a permissive, perspective-shifting conversation that highlights the ways in which over-serving parenting isn’t actually making us the best parents for our kids. 
 
We covered a lot of ground in this conversation - from the surprising overlaps between parenting and kink, to how we can handle some of the practical issues if you exploring kink and sexuality in a house that you share with children. I’m massively inspired by this conversation with Roma! 
 
Roma Norriss (she/her) turns around scratch-your-eyes-out-hard family situations where nothing else has worked. She can be sighted in a naughty red dress but in actuality spends most of her time coaching internationally from her bed in pyjamas with her hair standing on end. Roma has been working with parents (as a Birthworker, NCT Breastfeeding Counsellor and Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor) since 2006 and is a warm, overconfident, prolific, playful, pattern interrupter who somehow has the answers to your life. 
 
Based in Somerset, she sponges up any opportunity for intimacy and is an all-round bothersome wrestle-maniac. Lifelong foodie, she loves feeding people and when the chips are down is prone to escaping to the tropics for a God plug-in. What she doesn’t want you to know is that she actually finds children quite tedious and has been forced to master parenting only for the sake of making her own children significantly LESS so. Known for her warm, human, and forgiving approach, Roma is also deeply invested in exploring how intimacy, connection, and kink can coexist with the demands of parenting and is constantly navigating the complexities of exploring her own sexuality as a parent. She regularly appears on TV, Radio, webinars, conferences, panels and podcasts, including Newsweek, and Juno Magazine.
 
If you’d like to find out more about Roma and the amazing work she does, check out her website: www.romanorriss.com or head straight to the resources page: https://www.romanorriss.com/resources
 
And if you have a question that you’d like us to address in a follow-up, please drop me an email at hello@pleasurerebels.com. We’d love to hear from you! 

10. Kink as the Revolution with Heidi Hinda Chadwick

This month, I’m joined on The Kinky Coffee Break by Writer, Creative Life Coach, Performer, Book Doula, Trauma-Informed Educator & Artist, and Founder of The Creative Genius, the marvellous Heidi Hinda Chadwick. 
 
We explored some of the overlaps between the worlds of kink and creativity - from the way in which they both tap into our sensual innocence, to the impact of shame can have on the way we feel we can express ourselves. 
 
I found Heidi Hinda’s perspective really refreshing, the way in which she invites us to not only know and accept ourselves but to celebrate! 
 
Heidi Hinda Chadwick (she/her) is deeply passionate about Eros, Creativity, Sexuality, Kink, the Nervous System & Creative Living, Mental Health, Midwifing your Midlife, Tarot, Horror Movies, and Macabre and Folky Feminist Bad Ass Literature! She’s all about how to live a Juicy, Wild and Full-filled life, whilst allowing ourselves to be Vividly and Wildly Messy & Imperfect.
Heidi Hinda has been writing for over 20 years, about Life, Love, Sex, Relationships, Soul, Creativity, Culture, & why Art is the Revolution! and has been published in various online and paper publications. She is also a Nomadic Tarot Reader & avid Cross-Stitcher!
Join Writing The Revolution ~ https://writingtherevolution.substack.com/
Spell-Crafting ~ https://heidihinda.substack.com/
IG ~ https://www.instagram.com/heidihinda/
Website ~ https://www.heidihindachadwick.com/
 
If you’re interested in the POWER & PRESENCE course that I offer, the 2025 edition will run from April to July and you can find the details of this plus all other upcoming events, courses, and workshops at pleasurerebels.com/events. Check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.

9. What Makes a Great Lover with Bear Phillips

This month, I’m joined by (Feminist) Love Coach, Bear Phillips to talk about What Makes a Great Lover.
We covered a lot of ground here - from the way in which men are socialised to disconnect from important parts of themselves, to the way that we can inadvertently create disconnection in our relationships when we avoid being vulnerable. And YES - we do get to hear Bear’s secret to being a great lover!
I really appreciated the way that Bear presented his ideas and critique of popular ideas in such a warm and grounded way, calling us back into discovery and curiosity once again.
Bear Phillips (he/ him) is a poly-sexual, polyamorous, and kinky-slut by night, and a trauma-informed bodyworker and a sex & love coach by day. In his coaching with men, he works with questions of masculinity and how patriarchy impacts our ability to have meaningful and authentic relationships. Bear has been involved in various forms of therapy and personal development for more than half his life, having recently completed the *Compassionate Inquiry Professional Training* with Gabor Maté. His first book; Feminism Will Make a Man Out of You! is due for release soon.
You can find Bear at www.bearphillips.co.uk or substack: @bearphillips1 / bearphillips1.substack.com/. He’s also on IG: @bear_phillips and FB: facebook.com/bearphillipsUK.
We referenced one of Bear’s recent articles during this conversation, and you can find that here.
If you’re interested in my upcoming Getting into Ethical Kink course, you can find all of the details here or find the full list of upcoming events, courses, and workshops at pleasurerebels.com/events. Check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.

8. The Art of Smut with Rosy Pendlebaby

Join me and my guest, Rosy Pendlebaby, as we discuss smut and the lost art of letter writing.
There can be a great vulnerability in expressing our desires and many of the obstacles we face in doing so - such as our fear of judgment, shame, and self-censorship - can be present in our other creative pursuits.
What emerged from a desire to stay connected during Covid lockdowns, is an idea that I believe offers an antidote not only to our blocks around desire and creativity but to these ridiculously fast-paced times we live in.
I love the way that Rosy presents this in a way that I hope will inspire all of us to pick up a pen and paper and get the creative juices flowing once again!
Rosy Pendlebaby (she/they) is a queer performer, facilitator, and activist, working in the UK and internationally, making work that explores the intersection of creativity, pleasure, and change-making. She is director of body positive life drawing project, Body Love Sketch Club, and of creative lab for rebellious arts, Revolting Arts Club. Since launching the ‘Smutty Letters’ project online in 2020, she has gone on to perform and facilitate it at Edinburgh Fringe, London Vault Festival, Cheltenham Literature Festival, Soho House, Wilderness Festival, Glasgow Comedy Festival, Shambala, and more.
Find Rosy on Instagram: @revoltingrosy @revoltingartsclub @bodylovesketchclub
Rosy will be running a Smutty Letters event in London on Thursday 20th Feb 2025. Details and tickets can be found here.
Check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.

7. The One We Can’t Talk About with Christian Red

This month I’m joined on the podcast by Rope Bondage Educator and regular guest teacher at The Kinky Classoom, Christian Red. Christian is a firm favourite here at Pleasure Rebels, not only because of his technical knowledge but also his wealth of lived experience, open mind, and ability to dive into the juicy conversations about WHY we’re drawn to certain things. 
This episode could have gone in so many different directions, but we wanted to dive into a topic that is deeply impactful to us as educators and our audiences. Strangely, we can’t say much more upfront, but I invite you to tune in and see what you think! 
Christian Red (he/him) is a rope/takedown teacher based in Nottingham who has been teaching since 2012. His focus as an educator is giving people tools and ideas to express themselves by breaking complex topics into simple ideas. Christian Red's involvement in the kink community has lasted 20 years so far. In recent years, he has taught at Prague Shibari, Athens Rope, Anatomie Studios, Rope On!, Rope Office Hours, String Fling, UKREX, and Oxford Peer Rope. He's also a bloody awesome human, and a trusted teacher and mentor.
Find out more about Christian’s work at https://www.christian-red.co.uk// and follow him on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/christianredv2. You’ll also find his incredible and educational YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/@bondagetuition 
We referenced Christian’s recent video message to YouTube about censorship double standards, which you can find here: https://youtu.be/O1ZwYmqZLaw?si=P0JThZRhbbNCYUGN (unless it gets deleted). I’d highly recommend giving it a watch!  
I also referenced Eric Wycoff Rogers and some of their work around Critical Hedonism(s), which you can find here: https://www.criticalhedonisms.com/ 
Check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.
This conversation was recorded in November 2024.

6. Trauma-aware Intimacy with Catherine Hale

Join me and my guest, Catherine Hale, as we discuss trauma and nervous systems and why these are important for all of us to know about! 
I think one of the most undervalued skillsets in society is our ability to recognise and tend to dysregulation in our own nervous systems. And it’s pretty close to impossible not to feel dysregulated at least some of the time when we are constantly striving, working, and overwhelmed by information. When we don’t have the skills to do this, to regulate ourselves and coregulate with others, we’re more likely to numb out and avoid feeling what’s really going on for us, which in turn makes it much harder for us to actually find pleasure in our lives. 
I love how much Catherine invites compassion and gentleness in her approach, whilst giving lots of practical tips on how we can start to form better relationships with our own nervous systems. 
Catherine Hale (she/her) is a passionate nervous system coach and educator who inspires seasoned change-makers - coaches, healers, and leaders - to unlock their full potential. With her guidance, individuals can tap into the extraordinary power of post-traumatic growth, transforming their healing journey into a path of empowerment and purpose.
In 2023, Catherine launched the Culture of Care training, a groundbreaking program that fosters a holistic approach to trauma-informed care. Designed for practitioners and facilitators, this training equips them with the skills to create safe, sensitive environments that honour the diverse needs of individuals and groups. 
Catherine believes that by mastering trauma-informed techniques and understanding the intricacies of the nervous system, we can collectively cultivate a culture that empowers profound transformations in our lives and work. Together, we can build the beautiful world our hearts know is possible—one that thrives on compassion, resilience, and deep connection.
Find out more about Catherine’s work at https://catherinehale.co.uk/ and follow her on Insta @catherinehaleuk or Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/catherine.hale.5209.
Catherine referenced a new training for practitioners, which you can find here: https://www.the-field.com/online 
Check out the rest of my work at www.pleasurerebels.com and https://linktr.ee/pleasurerebels.
This conversation was recorded in October 2024.